Dear O., I am sorry your recent experiences with No-self and Oneness have been so stressful. Fortunately there is an easy solution. The next time you chant an English translation of the Heart Sutra you could notice the three circles of perception: object (sensation, flavor, scent, sound, sight, & thought), organ (body, tongue, nose, ears, eyes, & mind), and awareness (feeling, tasting, smelling, hearing, seeing, and thinking). Here is an example of how to contemplate it.
INHALATION: What seeing? EXHALATION: Relaxing! (perform for four rounds).
INHALATION: How seeing? EXHALATION: Relaxing! (four rounds)
INHALATION: Who's seeing? EXHALATION: Relaxing! (four rounds)
INHALATION: Notice this... EXHALATION: relaxing! (four rounds)
You could adapt the above practice for feeling, tasting, smelling, and hearing as well as emote, intend, thinking, recall, and imagine.
Performing the ten variations of the above exercise could further liberate you from the habit of labeling that could feed your turmoil. Please bear in mind that the wisdom that the Buddha offers is NOT merely philosophical but yogic: physical, visceral, and primal. If we could notice in harmony with our inhalations and relax in harmony with our exhalations we could make great progress upon his path of love and peace.
If you have any questions simply reach out to me via reddit chat. May you and yours be happy and healthy, L. Jigme
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